Bout a week ago or so I had an experience that left a mark witta sharpe... meaning I think its gon be there for awhile.
Being from an urban environment (and living there my whole life) every now an then you.. how can i say... become a product of the environment. In other words, you get on some rah rah shit every now and again and do something that ya momma or ya girl might call ig'nant.
Pun did a song and labeled it "That Nigga Shit" which is maad interesting coming from a Puerto Rican brother but thats a whooooole 'Nother Convo... or blog or twitter topic nowadays.
So, gettin back the story, Im rolling down Baisley Boulevard in Jamaica, Queens knockin some gangsta shit. The beat was hard as f*ck!
I pull up to the red light. Lookin around an shit and I ca feel somebody staring at me. I look over and see this youngin' who IMMEDIATELY averts his eyes to the floor as soon as I look his direction. But since I was on some rah rah shit I decided to just sit there and stare at this kid. I must grilled the poor kid for a good 15-20 seconds. His eyes acted like they were trying to life a weight they just couldn't handle and he never made eye contact with me once.
After all the ig'nant hostile look foolishnes ssubsided in me I looked at the kid for another 5 seconds and I swear his features reminded me of my lil nephew Corey. Maan this kid looked so much like my nephew it scared me.
At that moment I felt a tidal wave of shame just wash over me man. I can't even describe how bad I felt to recognize that I straight intimidated a kid who was just tryin to be a kid.
On some ig'nant shit.
It was especially ignorant because I expected the kid to be on the same rah rah shit I was on when I felt him lookin at me. But instead it was the opposite. It was ignorant cause I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Maybe it was the music. The hood vibe on that late night ridin around stuff that Roc Marciano referenced on his superb solo album Marcberg.
Bottom line is, this kid that I thought wanted problems ain't want nuttin. He made it known immediately and I felt like the cornball tryin to be tough for no reason.
My Bad Lil Homie...